Sometimes we have to settle the score. When unpleasant events arise, and they will, we must first settle the score within ourselves. Once the hurt, inner turmoil and turbulent emotions have been faced, we have a better chance of putting those feelings into a safe place of finality.
I often journal about things, people and situations that unsettle me. It helps me tremendously. Lord Byron wrote, “If I don’t write to empty my mind, I go mad.” Diaries and journaling can be great aids for self- analysis and self-awareness.
If possible and feasible, I will sit down and talk with those who appear to be the opposition. But this option is not always available because oftentimes the opposition cannot speak from a level of honesty. True feelings cannot be brought to the table for discussion if both parties have not faced the truth within themselves. But, as Eleanor Roosevelt says, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
When those tete’- a’- tete (head- on talks) are ruled out, it is our responsibility to get ourselves back on the right track and in a feel-good mode. Resilience can and will occur once the debris and cobwebs are cleared from the mind. It is all about advancing to the next stage, step or level of peacefulness. How do we do that? We can:
- Journal, as mentioned earlier.
- Talk with the conflicting source, if possible.
- Talk with someone objective about the situation.
- Listen to what our inner voice is saying and learn from it.
- Stay with the problem, until we feel that it is really settled.
Sometimes, we do not know why we feel what we feel. We just know that something is eating away inside and that something has rattled us. Like a chest of drawers, we must pull open the drawer and take a look at what is inside. When that drawer is wide open, we can speak honestly and say, for example, ‘When this situation occurred, I felt betrayed, deceived, unappreciated or disrespected.’ We can acknowledge what caused the stir down in our souls and the healing process can begin.
Once we have faced those dark emotions, we can start flipping on the light to hopefully ‘shoo’ those hurtful or angry feelings away. “It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness,” Eleanor Roosevelt reminds us. We can decrease the big “I” to a little “i” which will take away some of our self-importance. New and more refreshing thoughts will emerge that will uplift and benefit us.
We can then adjust our thinking and see that the conditions or people who we felt were out to harm us were simply working out their own agendas. Once we have a clearer view, we can basically see that it is all in how we take it. Dr. Wayne Dyer says, “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
- If something has ‘floored us,’ we must get up off the floor.
- If someone who we thought we knew, shocked us, we must understand that we did not really know that person. People wear layers of masks.
Finally, settling the score is our responsibility. We must face what has occurred, look at it, evaluate it, soak it, soap it, and wash it. Like a set of sheets, we can then hang them out to dry. When they are dry, we can take them down, shake them out, fold them and neatly tuck them back into the chest of drawers. Close it gently, let it go and move on, knowingly.
Have you ever felt that it was time to settle the score regarding some situation?
Lynn September 23, 2014