Sometimes you climb the ladder of what some people might claim as success. You get to the top rung of the ladder and you stop as you pause and catch your breath. You cannot believe that you finally made it all the way up there.
Then, you look, stare for a while, and take in all the happenings and activity on the new summit. As a wise one, you look before you take further leaps into limitless lineups of hoops. You should be feeling loads of exhilaration but after further study, dismay sets in to replace those good feelings.
You are not sure that you like nor approve of what is in your frontal view. You might find yourself having a smh moment as you shake your head. Your mind is screaming, “Noooooooo.” You are saying, “Is this what I worked so hard for? Do I want to be a part of this scene? Could I ever fit in? Do I even want to?“
But you want to make sure that your feelings are on point, so you place both feet firmly on the surface of the new platform. You walk around to become more certain of your feelings. You walk and walk and over a period, the unsettled thoughts do not disappear. They remain, hang, and linger as they swirl around over your head unlike a halo but more like a bad omen.
Again, the still small voice whispers, “Nope.” So, you quietly leave the scene and exit stage left. When you get to the edge of the dramatic stage, you lean over hoping to see the ladder still propped there. It is! After letting out a “whew” sigh of relief, you calmly anchor your foot onto the top rung of the ladder.
You slowly and assuredly descend the ladder as you hum a tune and think of Jacob’s ladder with angels ascending and descending like a slide ruler. You softly sing you own mantra and say over and over, “Not for me. Not for me,” until you place your foot firmly back onto the sainted lower platform. You think of Julius Caesar’s quote, “I came, I saw, I conquered.” You brush yourself off and give thanks that you ascended, made good choices, and descended with grace.
September 5, 2020